Top Funny Quotes And Sayings

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen

I get my large circumference from too much pi.

Old programmers never die. They just lose their memories.

I told my wife I wanted breakfast in bed. She said go sleep in the kitchen.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.