Facebook released their new homepage design and while it can be beneficial for those just wanting updates from close friends and family, it is not so friendly for those who have a large number of regularly updating friends.
One major beef that many are having already is the automatic posting onto your news feed of almost everything you do – that now ALSO appears in the news feed of all your friends.
I don’t know about you, but I really don’t need to know who became friends with who, and other people definitely do not need to know who I suddenly became friends with!
If you are want to stop these updates from posting to everyone’s news feed, follow these few simple steps:
Then hit Save Changes Button .
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Blogging Soon
Dear Readers i will start posting new articles very soon at the moment i am having some issues with the Facebook that is why i am busy.Sorry for this but surely when i will come back i will make you laugh :D .Take care
Thursday, October 22, 2009
THE ULTIMATE TV BED - Luxury trend !
A super luxury bed that with a single press of the wireless remote, the end of the bed opens and a silent 22'' flatscreen glides out and you can enjoy your favourite all your favourite programmes.
The bed is delivered with in-built, electronic levelling.
You are never alone - sweet dreams!.See the video after the Jump.
The bed is delivered with in-built, electronic levelling.
You are never alone - sweet dreams!.See the video after the Jump.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Ultimate Guide For Kicking Ass In Mafia Wars
Given that Mafia Wars is such a popular Facebook app game, I thought it only made sense to create a Mafia Wars guide. I’ve only recently started playing but I’ve successfully grown my mafia family to over 250 in just a few days. Mafia Wars is a highly addictive Facebook game but it’s also a great place to meet and add Facebook friends too. Everyone I’ve met in Mafia Wars has not only been friendly but supportive and ready to go to war in a moments notice for his/her own Mafia Wars family. Through the help of some Mafia Wars members, I’ve come up with some great Mafia Wars tips on how to play the game:
Bank the money – Protect your money by depositing it into the bank. Otherwise, you run the risk of losing it in fights or getting robbed.
Gifting to family members – You’re only as strong as your family and therefore gifting to weak members is beneficial to everyone. Make sure each one of your Mafia Wars family members has 1) a vehicle, 2) weapons, and 3) armor.
Protect your own – When the call for help goes out, you should join the fight to protect family members. That is, unless the opponent is too strong. In that case, bitch slap/sucker punch and make a run for it!
Put in work and buy properties – Work your butt off doing jobs to earn money and complete the various levels. As your Mafia grows, keep buying up Mafia Mike’s as it’s the best return on your money and such property can’t be stolen.
Choose your weapons wisely – Don’t waste your points or money obtaining weapons that have weak attack points. When you join a fight, the weapons with the highest attack points are used first so it’s important you have a lethally strong arsenal. Also, don’t waste your money buying weapons that you cannot use for gifting to others.
Stay energized – If you want more energy, don’t waste your Godfather points to increase it. Instead, use your Godfacther points to buy four upgrade points. It will cost you 14 Godfather points to do so, but it will help you in the long run. As your energy capacity grows, you’ll eventually be able to pass each level much quicker and with a surplus of energy points.
2X Level Rule – Your attack and defense points in Mafia Wars should be very strong and should scale according to your level. As a rule of thumb many Mafia Wars players like to have their attack and defense points at twice that of the level they are currently playing. Thus if your on Mafia Wars level two, your attack points shoud be at four and your defense points should be just as high.
Fighting loading problems – Sometimes your screen will freeze and refreshing doesn’t help. In that case, just go to your updates and choose a person in your Mafia Wars family to fight. It’ll say something like you can’t fight someone in your own Mafia Wars members but if you look to the right you’ll see the regular fight screen.
Reconsider Brag Gifting – You don’t need to announce that you’ve been gifting. In fact many Mafia Wars players find it quite annoying to see your gifts filling up their news feeds. You can change the permissions for Mafia Wars and other games on Facebook as well as learn how to adjust your Facebook profile’s privacy settings using our Facebook Guide.
Hitlist yourself – Select a lower Mafia Wars level in your profile such as a street thug and ask someone to add you to the Mafia Wars hitlist. They just need to go into my mafia, select your profile, and add you to the hitlist. If you want to guarantee that you get experience and you don’t get snuffed-out, ask some lower level Mafia Wars players to attack you. In return you could provide a service for them such as beating up a local Mafia Wars bully.
Don’t waste energy packs – When you’re within approximately two hundred points of the next level, refrain from using an energy pack as you’ll be instantly re-energized upon reaching that next level.
Visit Cuba – Once you reach Mafia Wars level 35 you should take the trip to Cuba to obtain more powerful weapons and gain experience.
Use a faster browser – Most people use Internet Explorer to play Mafia Wars but it’s super slow. You’d be better off downloading and installing a much faster browser like Opera or Google Chrome.
Become a fan of Stone Cold Pimps – You need to get “pimped” by this fan page to instantly add about 200+ mafia members to your mafia family. After getting pimped, return the favor by inviting your friends to join the Stone Cold Pimps fan page.
Contribute your knowledge – If you have any Mafia Wars tips or strategies, send them to me and I’ll add them to the official Mafia Wars list. If your Mafia Wars tip is included in the list, we’ll give you credit by adding a link to your name next to the tip to help you grow your Mafia Wars family!
Befriend Properly – Add other Mafia Wars players on Facebook so they can join your Mafia Wars family. When you request the add, include the message “Mafia Wars” so they know what the Facebook add is for.
Worlds First Highly Advanced Robotic Bed by Panasonic
Know what we hate? The long groggy walk from our beds to the computer. It's only 10 feet but its potentially dangerous and honestly, exhausting. Panasonic's Robotic Bed is set to change that by automatically transforming from a static bed to a mobile wheelchair... and back. Once converted, the robotic chair can navigate the home while avoiding obstacles with "no need for training," according to Panasonic. The canopy is fitted with a television and plugs into the home network so you can control home appliances and view security cameras. Obviously, its primary purpose is to give people with limited mobility more independence. However, bloggers can dream can't we?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Most Expensive 300,000 Euros laptop
The Tulip E-Go Diamond notebook is inlaid with solid palladium white gold plates in which thousands of V.V.S. top-Wesselton, brilliant cut diamonds have been set, with a total weight of 80 carats. The brilliant cut diamonds are microscopic and pave set with surgical precision. For the Tulip E-Go diamond project, Marcel van Galen Design worked closely together with Design Department product engineering and Laurent de Beer Master Jewelry Designer.
The Tulip E-Go will be a premium quality product which distinguishes itself by its contemporary design and unique organic styling. To ensure the E-Go embodies the latest mobile technology, the features, functions and benefits will meet the demands of the most advanced user. Next to A-brand components, the product also offers direct access buttons that will take the user to several handy applications: UMTS, television, connection to movie/music download sites, and even a camera with ‘mirror’ application. Next to these features, this lifestyle device will also offer the Phoenix Firstware applications which offer on board recovery, a dynamic and secure backup system that even works when the Windows operating system isn’t, and one click access to e-mail and contacts - without booting Windows, so the E-Go can also be used as a PDA.
Tulip developed the E-Go lifestyle notebook to meet what it sees as a growing tendency towards design and personalization. The laptop is aptly named the Tulip E-Go. It’s an ‘Easy Going’ device that has the ability to reflect the individual personality and mood of the owner by changing the covers. The E-Go utilizes Inclosia’s patented mass-production EXO overmolding system technology which is designed to incorporate fabrics, leather and other materials into electronic devices and is most commonly seen in Microsoft’s executive mouse with its leather look.
MATTRESS - AND A MILLION - TO THE DUMP
TEL AVIV – She sounded subdued on the phone, sad even, and who wouldn’t be? All she had wanted was to give a nice surprise to her mother.So Anat (not her real name), a Tel Aviv resident, threw out her mother’s ratty old mattress and bought her a lovely new one. After all, as people age, they need a firm mattress, not a lumpy old one.But those lumps were not clumps of distorted wool or loose springs. They were dollar bills. A million’s worth.
Over the years, Anat’s mother had stashed away American dollars and Israeli shekels in her mattress, and now Anat had thrown away her life savings.
In a panic Anat rushed to the garbage dump but couldn’t find the mattress among the 2,500 tons of trash that arrives daily. She rode three garbage trucks to three different dumps and combed them feverishly, looking for her mother’s fortune.
She tried to keep it a secret, fearing others would comb the trash and find it first. But a municipal worker took a photo of her sifting through the smelly debris and sold it to a newspaper, even while he expressed doubt that there could really be a million dollars in one mattress.
But Anat’s panic was genuine enough. A radio station broadcast Anat’s disaster and pretty soon there were reports of concerned citizens storming the dumps trying to help her, or at least, help themselves to her money.
The garbage dump manager said his men were trying to help her, and added that she seemed desperate.
But newspapers quoted Anat as saying, "People have to take everything in proportion and thank God for the good and the bad."
Over the years, Anat’s mother had stashed away American dollars and Israeli shekels in her mattress, and now Anat had thrown away her life savings.
In a panic Anat rushed to the garbage dump but couldn’t find the mattress among the 2,500 tons of trash that arrives daily. She rode three garbage trucks to three different dumps and combed them feverishly, looking for her mother’s fortune.
She tried to keep it a secret, fearing others would comb the trash and find it first. But a municipal worker took a photo of her sifting through the smelly debris and sold it to a newspaper, even while he expressed doubt that there could really be a million dollars in one mattress.
But Anat’s panic was genuine enough. A radio station broadcast Anat’s disaster and pretty soon there were reports of concerned citizens storming the dumps trying to help her, or at least, help themselves to her money.
The garbage dump manager said his men were trying to help her, and added that she seemed desperate.
But newspapers quoted Anat as saying, "People have to take everything in proportion and thank God for the good and the bad."
Monday, October 19, 2009
World's most expensive Mattress for € 80,000
The Vividus by Hastens. The Vividus has been the most expensive mattress for years. Those who have slept on the Vividus describe the experience as “sleeping on a cloud.” Swedish designs ensure the highest quality and most luxurious comfort. The cost of this “heaven-like” experience is $59,750 and for European Customers it will cost around 80,000 Euros.
Millioner's Bed
1. Janjaap Rujssenaars Floating Bed. The Millionaire Fair in Kortrijk, Belgium hosts extravagant products from all over the world. Dutch architect Janjaap Ruijssenaar recently unveiled his floating bed. His goal was to create a usable product that didn’t use the standard laws of gravity. This floating bed uses magnetism to keep it suspended in mid air. The bed uses opposing magnets (obviously the magnets have to be industrial strength). The magnets allow the bed to float 40 cm off of the floor and can hold up to 900 kg. The full size bed costs $1.6 million. A bed that is 1/5 the size of the full size bed costs only $153,000.
Hug Me Pillow for Girls
Missing your touring husband? Or just a single longing for those warm arms that hold you while sleeping? `Hug me Pillow’ , a one armed piece, could just be right for you. For starters, it sounds bizarre, but it is rumoured to have been designed after Brad Pitt.
The pillow is shaped like the top half of a man’s upper body, with an extended hand, as if placed around some person or thing. For some customers who have used it till now, `Hug me pillow’ has provided some guilt-free sleep trips over loneliness. For still others, it has become that doll friend that you can carry over to the reading chair, to a friend’s place or tuck it in the rear seat of your car.
The pillow has microfiber, is made of polyester and can only be dry cleaned, not washed. The pillow can also be used as a neck rest when you are travelling. In spite of its novelty factor, the pillow could surely get better. It could be with expanding the torso size, or giving a more pleasant colour to the shirt. Hug the pillow, for $ 29.99. It cannot replace the real man though.
World's most expensive I-Phone Just € 100,000
Priced at $176,400, claiming to be the world’s most expensive iPhone designed by Austrian luxury designer and jeweler Peter Aloisson gets a competitor here. Yes, if inking deals with diamond slapped N95, 24-Karat gold bathed Mobiado professional or Swarovski envcrusted Dior seems too pricey to pursue then I doubt your welcoming response for $177,300 Amosu diamond encrusted iPhone. But that is not an excuse for Amosu to stop delivering opulent models. Valued at �89,000 ($177,300) , Amosu Ultimo Diamond iphone has neatly grabbed pedestal from the till date most expensive diamond studded iPhone from Princess Plus.
Handcrafted by the most radiant equipments, the phone comes studded with 1179 dazzling 16.18 carat diamonds. It is the blend of form with functionality that makes the Amosu Ultimo Diamond iPhone worthy of its exclusive ‘World Class’ standing. On a deeper vision, the fashionable Ultimo Diamond iPhone sports 458 diamonds layered on its flat face with the rear bottom case caked with 18 carat solid white gold coated with 660 diamonds. To cherish the icing on the cake, it comes with an imprinted Apple logo festooned with 61 diamonds.
Handcrafted by the most radiant equipments, the phone comes studded with 1179 dazzling 16.18 carat diamonds. It is the blend of form with functionality that makes the Amosu Ultimo Diamond iPhone worthy of its exclusive ‘World Class’ standing. On a deeper vision, the fashionable Ultimo Diamond iPhone sports 458 diamonds layered on its flat face with the rear bottom case caked with 18 carat solid white gold coated with 660 diamonds. To cherish the icing on the cake, it comes with an imprinted Apple logo festooned with 61 diamonds.
Respecting its appeal, the model comes packed in a deluxe wooden box. Shelling out $177,300 would offer you one year’s gracious VIP International Concierge Service, alert on ‘accessing the inaccessible’ in return. To do away with the hiccups involved right after the purchase, the round of the clock service facility by the Amosu team understands and respects the customer time, hassle and money. The cost-free luxury Network VIP Privilege card is acknowledged by Lamborghini UK, Bombardier Skyjet International, Sunseeker Yachts, Oliver Sweeney, Holland and Holland, Selfridges and Ascot Horse racing. A complete luxury kit for the filthy-rich!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A bed for just € 1 million ($1.5 million)
Sure we all like to sleep in comfort, but how many of you would be willing to pay $1.5 million (1006200 Euros) for a one-of-a-kind bed? Anyone? Anyone at all? Well Dutch architect Janjaap Ruijssenaars is hoping that someone will shell out big bucks for that floating slab you see pictured above, as he's apparently spent six years of his life in the noble pursuit of a sleeping surface that can be suspended entirely by magnets. Do you actually get a better night's sleep on a bed that's only attached to a solid surface with a few narrow tethers? Probably not, but it seems that anyone spending a million bucks on something like this is more concerned with impressing potential overnight guests than waking up refreshed in the morning, anyway. If you just have to get your hands on one of these, but you'd prefer to remain below the seven-figure price point, Ruijssenaars was also showing off a smaller version at the Miljonaire fair in Kortrijk that goes for a more affordable $146,000; at 1/5th the size of the regular model, it's much too small for you to sleep in, but it would sure make a great perch for your already-spoiled dog or cat.
TWEET THIS Http://bit.ly/32BniP
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World's most expensive bed just 60,000 $
Details are sketchy at the moment, but the Hi-Can high fidelity canopy features beautifully designed equipment that allows you to surf the web, watch movies, play games, and listen to music all from the comfort of your bed. There is even a slick looking control panel on the headboard that allows you to control other gadgets in the room. For details watch the video after the jump.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Best One liner Jokes To set as your FB status
• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Cheuqe books.
• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.
• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
• What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. .even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' " Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever! Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."
• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we' re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together
• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
• What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. .even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' " Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever! Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."
• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we' re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together
Besy Funny Jokes ever
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A little boy went up to his father and asked :" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "His father replied :" Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,because I still have mine.
"What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? " Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,but I never told them anything !! "
John's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :"John seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.
"The mother wrote back the next day :" If you find a solution, please advise.I have the same problem with his father ! "
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A little boy went up to his father and asked :" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "His father replied :" Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,because I still have mine.
"What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? " Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,but I never told them anything !! "
John's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :"John seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.
"The mother wrote back the next day :" If you find a solution, please advise.I have the same problem with his father ! "
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Pay attention
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked on his finger.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked on his finger.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Telephone Bill
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...On a Saturday morning...after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!
Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!
Wife's Lover
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the man and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here.
"The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the man and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here.
"The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now.
Management lesson
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else.One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."The girl looked at him, and then said,"NO!"
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. Hewon't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...?
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all coins!"
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. Hewon't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...?
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all coins!"
Show him right in !
After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened his own law office. One day he was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him.
"Show him right in!" the lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!"
Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."
"Show him right in!" the lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!"
Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."
Little Girl
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting
dressed.
She points to his dick and says, "Daddy, what's that?"
Not wanting to explain to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's a
secret."
The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that long thing between
Daddy's legs?"
Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex yet, so she says, "I don't know,
he won't tell me."
A couple days later the little girl says to her mother. "Mommy, I finally
figured out what that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a toothbrush! "
"Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks.
"Because," the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in
and out of her mouth and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin."
dressed.
She points to his dick and says, "Daddy, what's that?"
Not wanting to explain to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's a
secret."
The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that long thing between
Daddy's legs?"
Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex yet, so she says, "I don't know,
he won't tell me."
A couple days later the little girl says to her mother. "Mommy, I finally
figured out what that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a toothbrush! "
"Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks.
"Because," the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in
and out of her mouth and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin."
I am the groom
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding. "But,
office," pleaded the driver. "I can explain ."
"Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in a cell till
the chief gets back."
"But, officer ."
"Be quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going in a cell. The chief will deal
with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looked in on the prisoner. "Lucky for you that
the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he's sure to be in a good
mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it." said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
office," pleaded the driver. "I can explain ."
"Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in a cell till
the chief gets back."
"But, officer ."
"Be quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going in a cell. The chief will deal
with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looked in on the prisoner. "Lucky for you that
the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he's sure to be in a good
mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it." said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
Birthday Present
Birthday Present A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How yadoin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh, no," says Dave.
"He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did sheknow that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam thedoor, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is havingnone of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Dave."
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How yadoin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh, no," says Dave.
"He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did sheknow that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam thedoor, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is havingnone of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Dave."
Do you know what i think ?
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go Back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together. In theMorning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred And Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go toSchool."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary upYet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go BackTo school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary upYet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I thinkI gave him my model airplane glue."
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go toSchool."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary upYet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go BackTo school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary upYet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I thinkI gave him my model airplane glue."
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Quotes of the Week
You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you’ve got, remember what you had, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but remember life goes on!
Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.
Little children, headache; big children, heartache.
Morality is a private and costly luxury.
You haven't seen a tree until you've seen it's shadow from the sky.
The tears of the red, yellow, black, brown and white man are all the same.
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.
Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.
Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster
Silence is the true friend that never betrays
A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.
Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.
Little children, headache; big children, heartache.
Morality is a private and costly luxury.
You haven't seen a tree until you've seen it's shadow from the sky.
The tears of the red, yellow, black, brown and white man are all the same.
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.
Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.
Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster
Silence is the true friend that never betrays
A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.
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